Regarding Child Rearing and Care Versus Punishment and Child Abuse
Public and official views of child rearing have changed throughout the years. Even within the various faith groups and denominations—within the same country as well as within various cultures—views differ about how children should be raised.
By way of example, in 1987 Norway had already proclaimed a law that prohibits physical punishment of children. On the other hand, in the Netherlands as late as 2002, a private bill which contained approximately the following wording did not make it through Parliament: In child rearing, parents shall abstain from all forms of physical or mental force against their children. This means that physical punishment is not prohibited in The Netherlands if such a punishment can be considered an “educational tool in child rearing.” France is one of the countries in Europe that definitely does not have or apparently has no plans to introduce such a law in the foreseeable future.
All those who raise children are influenced by the prevailing views in their country of residence or by the times in which they live. When it concerns the topic of child rearing, “the learned dispute”—from the one extreme of recommending a completely free child rearing without borders—to the other extreme of recommending strict borders, which are practically impossible to enforce, and then punishing the child in some way if the borders are violated.
The Christian Church (DKM), also called “Smith’s Friends,” came into existence at Johan Oscar Smith’s conversion in 1898. He served in the Norwegian Navy for 40 years. He and his wife Pauline had six children, of whom one was severely handicapped. His youngest son, Helge Anker Smith (b.1918), is still with us.
If we peruse the publication Skjulte Skatter (Hidden Treasures), which has been the main medium of The Christian Church since 1912, along with Johan Oscar Smith’s letters, we will discover that he has written a total of 1,134 articles and letters. Only in 50 of these articles/ letters has he used the word “chastening.” He used the word “punishment” in 15 articles. The words “child rearing” never occur in any of his writings. The word “spanking” occurs in 5 of his articles/letters, but never in connection with children or the rearing of children. Such words are written in connection with God’s chastening by His Word.
Johan Oscar Smith’s children speak about a childhood and youth that was characterized by a feeling of security and a caring love. They received guidance by exhortation and care. This is also what characterized Johan Oscar Smith’s teaching as well as the preaching that his son Aksel J. Smith stood for and continued in The Christian Church for more than 60 years.
The expression “child rearing” occurs in 18 articles in Skjulte Skatter, and we quote the following segment from the 1971 Easter Conference report, as reported by Aksel J. Smith: “If we shall exhort we must exhort in all goodness. If we have made mistakes in child rearing and in other ways, it is good that we get to see this while it is yet the time of grace, so that we can be tender and good.
“The modern view with regard to child rearing is to do away with discipline and exhortation, the idea being that if the child grows up free and wild, the child will become a personality. This is just as great a folly as to imagine that we can grow carrots without thinning and watering. The world’s folly is great in every respect but especially among those who imagine that they are wise.
“In the church we grow up through discipline and exhortation, which is a true comfort. Then we will be transformed from glory to glory.
“It is of the utmost importance when we raise children that there is an especially good relationship between father and mother. Oh, may our children grow up in the sunshine of love. We read that some plant, others water, but God gives the increase. When our children come home from Sunday School where God’s Word has been planted into them, are we like a dry wind, or do we offer support by watering that which was planted? Let us take heed and water the good shoots and thin out the bad ones.”
We can continue to search for these supposedly “inflammatory” words connected with discipline, spanking, and child rearing from the more than 9500 articles and letters written in the periodical Skjulte Skatter or in other literature published by Skjulte Skatters Forlag since its inception in 1912, but we find surprisingly few articles that contain words of this nature.
By comparison, the word “good” occurs in more than 1850 articles, the word “love” in more than 960 articles, and the word “joy” in more than 2100 articles.
From this we see that child rearing has not been the emphasis of the preaching in The Christian Church. Through the written and spoken word The Christian Church is first and foremost working to teach the readers and listeners to love their spouses and children, as Paul also exhorts us.
When the law prohibiting physical punishment was introduced in Norway in 1987, Sigurd Bratlie—one of the main figures with responsibility in The Christian Church throughout his entire life—expressed his thoughts on the subject with the following words: This is a good law for the children, because most adults discipline their children because they are angry – therefore they hit them. They have no control over their own irritation and anger. Such a law will protect the children from suffering. It will also spare many adults from making serious errors with regard to their own and others’ children because of their anger and irritation.
We never heard Sigurd Bratlie speak of physical punishment in connection with disciplining or bringing up children. On the contrary, in his tract “We and Our Children” from 1969, he gives the following guidelines for a good and blessed child rearing: “When a child is born into the family, he is a sunbeam from heaven. You sense this clearly when the child starts to smile. You feel the warmth when he smiles at you. There is no battle against the evil. There is rest and peace in that smile. And yet the child has inherited an evil nature from his forefathers. It doesn’t take long before the battle begins. Then we must fight the good fight of faith so that the cold doesn’t conquer the warmth, and so that your smile for the child doesn’t vanish. For then you will also lose the smile from the child in return—which, you remember, warmed your heart—and the child will become shy. Then you have not understood to fight the good fight of faith.”
The Christian Church has always been anchored in the work of giving children, youth, and adults a good, blessed, and safe quality of life. But as in many other societies and groups, churches, and denominations, there are people who are not interested in living what they teach. Unfortunately, there have also been people among us who were either unwilling or did not desire to live according to the main message that has been proclaimed through the written and spoken word in The Christian Church during the entire past century. Some of them have even written tracts and brochures (which they attempted to publish through Skjulte Skatters Forlag) that contradicted the teachings of Johan Oscar Smith and his fellow workers. Down through the years some of them got offended and left our church when they didn’t find an ear for their theories and views.
Especially in the beginning of the 1990s, many of these people wanted something else for the church than what was wanted by those who had responsibility, and we to whom the responsibility has been passed on. Some of them received quite a bit of media coverage, both in Norway as well as abroad, and much was written about a “division among Smith’s Friends.” Time has shown something else. The church has never experienced such growth and development as in the last 10-15 years. Therefore it is interesting to observe that their words, preaching, letters, and literature have been the source of an outlook on life and corresponding child rearing that has proved to be intolerant and narrow-minded, a totally different view of life than what the leaders at that time had and which the present leaders continue to have. In hindsight we also understand more clearly why these comparatively few people have left us. The message of goodness, care, warmth, love, and gentleness was not the bearing force in their lives and preaching. Unfortunately, their preaching is sometimes referred to when the topic of what The Christian Church teaches about child rearing surfaces in the media, both in Norway and in Central Europe. Seen in this light, we are happier than ever that such people chose to leave The Christian Church voluntarily. Their teaching, ideas, and message—both the written and spoken word—are not at all compatible with what The Christian Church has stood for since the turn of the last century, and continues to stand for in our modern time.
We who bear responsibility in The Christian Church today continue to build on the teachings of Johan Oscar Smith. His teachings have also been incorporated into our by-laws. He was ahead of the times, with his unprejudiced view concerning women’s liberation, a woman’s place in the church, child rearing, and not least when it concerned playing games, sports, and activities with and for children and young people. The children and youth of our church are still benefiting from this inheritance, which is reflected in the overwhelming majority of our children and young people coming to our meetings and partaking in our conferences, both in Norway and abroad.
Paul exhorts each one to take heed how he builds on the foundation. 1 Cor. 3:10. In verses 16 and 17 he points out that man is the temple of God, and that this temple must not be destroyed. Ill-treating or abusing children, physically or mentally, is to destroy the temple of God, or God’s property. According to Jesus, children belong to the kingdom of heaven. Therefore we work actively in The Christian Church—regardless of where we are in the world—and irrespective of culture and background, so that the children and young people experience a good, warm, and secure atmosphere, and at the same time learn to do good works, thereby becoming good and useful members of society. The Christian Church—“Smith’s Friends”—has never worked for anything else.
If punishable, criminal acts should occur—for example theft, vandalism, murder, pedophilia, incest, violence, or assault—the leadership of The Christian Church considers it both right and necessary to let the public authorities, such as the police and the judicial system, handle such things. The leadership of The Christian Church has confidence in the ability of these authorities to handle such matters professionally. They respect the authorities’ decisions, not the least because the victim’s interests weigh very heavily on The Christian Church’s leadership in such instances. If the authorities should wish to work together with The Christian Church in matters where church members are involved, the leadership of The Christian Church would co-operate, without hesitation, in a professional manner.
Moreover, The Christian Church has since 1996 put together a team of professionals with competence in various forms of family conflicts, and who offer counseling in different areas of mental health. This is also in accordance with a UN resolution (WHA 50.19), approved by the World Health Organization (WHO) in May 1997, which contains a three-year plan for initiatives regarding violence and health. The Christian Church team has held information meetings, courses, and seminars in more than 80 churches in 17 countries regarding a child’s natural development starting from infancy to youth time, mental health, and various forms of violence and assault.
The aim of The Christian Church in our time is to continue to build God’s building with wisdom when dealing with the challenges we face in regards to the media, TV, computer technology, the Internet, and all other influences, good as well as bad. We can never teach our children these things by hitting them in anger and irritation or hurting them in other ways. Jesus learned to discern between good and evil. It is also our task to teach the children in our time!
See also www.brunstad.org