Bitterness

Bitterness

“Let all bitterness . . . be put far away from you . . . .” Eph. 4:31. What is bitterness, actually? What is its root? Bitterness is the deepest disappointment, dissatisfaction, and contempt. It will arise when a person sees the starkest contrast before his eyes to what he wants to see. “Love does not become bitter” (1 Cor. 13:5) because it endures all things, hopes all things, and believes all things. In other words, when we always abide in love, all kinds of bitterness will always be far from us.

It is natural to love the person who seems to be lovable and pleasant; neither is it that difficult to love someone who is fairly attractive. However, when the opposite of what is desired becomes too glaring, lasting for a long time, we are tempted to become bitter. Then it is vital not to consent to the temptation so that desire is conceived, giving birth to sin—but we must remain in love in spite of everything and be patient and longsuffering until the end without giving up on ourselves or on others, “lest any root of bitterness springing up . . . .” Heb. 12:15. Bitterness seeks an opportunity to spring up when something or someone is a glaring contrast to what we had desired or imagined. We must be particularly awake on this point when we, by God’s leading, have come together with people whose character traits and feelings are the complete opposite of our own.

For example, when we think that we are dealing with a matter in the right way, and someone else acts virtually in a totally opposite way—when the contrast becomes extremely great—then we are tempted to become bitter.

In the case of a death in this world, you can often hear that people have become bitter toward God who has taken a loved one from them—because to them it seemed so totally opposite of what they thought was reasonable.

“Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.” Col. 3:19. This word also tells us that to love is the opposite of being bitter. The apostle gives both the wife and the husband each their own exhortation in the direction in which they have a specific need. Just as she is tempted to be equal to or superior, to command and rule and teach instead of being submissive and obedient, the husband is also likewise tempted to become bitter when the contrast to this heavenly grace, this precious, quiet and meek spirit—as it is mentioned in the Scriptures—becomes too glaring. For example, as Solomon’s proverb puts it: “It is better to dwell in the corner of a housetop, than in a house shared with a contentious woman.” “A continual dripping . . . and a contentious woman are alike . . . .” How many men in this world have not become so sick and tired, so angry and bitter, so dead tired of this stark contrast to that quiet and meek spirit that they have taken their hat, left the house, and become thoroughly drunk in order to forget their grief for a while.

Also we who are in Christ need a comforting drink; therefore we drink of Christ’s bottomless love that doesn’t just love what is good and perfect, but also simply loves what is evil and imperfect, thus contributing to making them good and perfect.

What shall we do, brothers? How shall we quench our secret grief? How shall we best contribute to abolishing the cause of our grief? By following the apostle’s exhortation to us to the uttermost: “Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.” Even if all day long you find everything else but meekness, everything else except submission and obedience; even if all day long—day in and day out—you find the starkest contrast to what you wish and hope, abide in love, hope, and faith; suffer and bear everything between heaven and earth year after year, even until death—for this is your calling!!! Do not become bitter—on the contrary! Bless and do not curse!

If your wives tell you a hundred times a day—thirty six thousand times a year—how everything ought to be, and she doesn’t even ask once in a day how things ought to be, this would indeed be a terrible contrast to these beautiful words of Scripture and can certainly give rise to bitterness. Nevertheless, see to your high calling: “He . . . is the glory of God . . . .” 1 Cor. 11:7. Let no remnant of anger, bitterness, or any other evil occupy a place in you! Let God’s glory be complete and undivided! Be like the Father! Let your sun always rise and let showers of blessing always pour over your precious wives! Love them sincerely from the heart with Christ’s unfailing love! The more stubborn they are, the more you love them—if they (our dear, weak vessels) could thereby at some point finally declare bankruptcy with all their strength and joyfully be willing to be led instead of wanting to lead, so they could adorn us as our crown and glory!!!

“For”—whether we want it to or not—“woman is the glory of man.” 1 Cor. 11:7. It is sad but true; our glory is no greater than that.

Nevertheless, we had better get used to the fact that our glory is small rather than God’s glory being small. Be therefore perfect while you, with never-failing love, endure all kinds of glaring contrasts to this fact from your wives.

Thus all bitterness will stay far away. Amen.